Change Can Knock You Off Balance
At the onset of change, you’re likely to feel ungrounded. The comforts of predictability and control have decreased and you might feel thrown off. This is why it is so important that you learn how to ground yourself!
If you take one thing away from this course it’s the importance of learning how to regulate yourself when you feel dysregulated.
The first step is simply recognizing that you’re dysregulated. Get to know your clues! Now that it’s top of mind, start to take note when it happens as you go about your day.
We often feel it physically first. It can show up as tightening in the chest, racing thoughts, clenching of the jaw, holding your breath, or discomfort in your stomach. This is your body sending you a signal that you are feeling ungrounded and that your fight or flight response is revving up.
- What happens to you when you feel upset or angered about something? I encourage you to think about everyday things - For example, receiving a frustrating email from your boss changing a project, hearing a hurtful comment from a family member, or getting stuck in traffic when you have somewhere to be.
- Think about something like this that happened to you recently, and reflect on what happened to your body in this circumstance? Write about this for a moment.
This is the same bodily reaction you likely have when faced with change or uncertainty - this is the body’s response to fear. If you've assessed that you are not in imminient danger, this is one of your body’s signals that it needs grounding.
You're already making progress! You've identified how you react when you are feeling dysregulated - and likely in fight or flight mode.
It's All in the Pause
Step one is to notice when your fight or flight is triggered, and a crucial next step is to PAUSE. You can even say it to yourself in your mind if that helps you to actually do it.
Acknowledge that you’re amped up, and then deploy a tool of your choice to ground yourself. Grounding helps you get your mind back into the present moment, and out of fear-of-the-future mode.
I invite you to try this simple grounding tool, called "Straw Breathing". Another simple, effective tool is to tune into your five senses. In this moment, what can you see? Hear? Touch? Smell? Taste?
When you do this for 30 seconds to one minute, your body will tell your brain that you are safe. The more you reassure yourself of your safety, the more likely discomfort will pass quickly.
Change makes you feel out-of-sorts, but if approached with a certain mindset, it can be the biggest accelerator of growth and personal development.
Strengthen Your Mental Muscle
Grounding takes practice. The goal is that you’ll eventually become so familiar with your go-to grounding tools that you can deploy them amidst a stressful situation. However, to get there, it’s important to dedicate just a little bit of time to strengthening these skills. It’s like going to the gym for your mind.
Figure out a time of day that you can pretty easily carve out about five minutes to commit to grounding. For many people, it can be helpful to do in the morning before getting the day going. This can look like:
- A simple reflection of - how am I feeling and what do I need today?
- Journaling
- Breathing exercises
- Meditating
- Setting your intention for the day
Make your grounding practice attainable and integrate it into your routine. This is essential for long-term consistency.
Take opportunities throughout your day to step away from the grind for a moment. I literally mean one minute. Here's what you can do in a minute to give your brain a rest:
- Turn away from the computer and/or phone screen
- Take a quick walk around the office or house and notice the colors that you see
- Step outside and notice what the air feels like on your skin
- Breathe in for 4 seconds and out for 4 seconds for one minute
These are all grounding exercises that can be done anywhere, that will help your brain to get out of fight or flight mode, and allow for rest and recovery. Doing this will make you far more efficient and effective in the long run, and is well worth the investment of mere minutes.
The Emotional Flush
There can be a whirlwind of rapidly changing emotions that accompany change. When experiencing intense emotional and physical responses that are difficult to pinpoint, it's often necessary to process the emotion to facilitate its release from your body.
When you internalize feelings, they can manifest as stored energy in your body, potentially leading to physical discomfort and health issues over time.
Thus, I introduce you to the Emotional Flush. Here’s how it works:
-
Bring yourself into the present moment with a "grounding tool" of choice.
-
Ask yourself, “What emotion am I feeling?” The "Feelings Wheel" comes in handy here.
-
Bring awareness to what you are telling yourself about the situation (i.e. the thinking mind). Ask yourself, “What is true right now?” and “What is not true right now?”
-
Once you’ve named the emotion, release it as largely and dramatically as you can. Here are some examples for different emotions.
-
Anger: scream into a pillow; try boxing or another cardio exercise; stomp your feet
-
Sadness: have a big, loud cry; make a grief ceremony (a literal pity party!); paint, draw or do something with your hands
-
Fear: sway/rock your body like you would a baby; lay your back on a bolster and stretch your arms out wide to take up space; go for a walk
-
-
Say your feelings out loud! To a person who feels safe or to yourself. Saying what you're feeling out loud helps your body to release the feeling.
“I continually empty my heart and my mind of sediment, so that new life can make its way into me.” - Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening
Calm is a Practice
When you are feeling fear or anxiety, I encourage you to investigate. Where in your body do you feel it? Did something specific trigger it or has it been lingering? By investigating what is happening, you can start to notice if you are stuck sitting in an emotion that hasn’t moved through you, or if you are in a fight or flight state.
There are ways to get unstuck, out of fight or flight mode, and reprogram your mind to limit catastrophic thinking. Becoming aware is the first step. When you are in a heightened experience (like life changes), your natural tendency is to react quickly, which doesn’t always produce the most effective outcome for your true intentions.
To embody "calm" is to acknowledge your present emotions and skillfully manage your reactions, even amidst uncertain circumstances.
Cultivating calm is a practice! Here are some tips to follow to get started:
-
Pause! Before reacting, assess whether or not you have sufficient information to make a decision or take action.
-
Remember that a calm demeanor can positively influence a situation, thus being more likely to put you back in the driver’s seat. Panicked reactions can cause unhelpful escalation.
-
Be mindful of how your anxiety and fear manifests itself. Do you tend to overfunction or underfunction in intense situations? Try to bring yourself into balance, and don't go into one mode or the other.
-
Bring some perspective and intention to the situation: Do I have sufficient information to panic? If the answer is yes, will panicking help me right now?
- Have you noticed that you are sitting in an emotion lately?
- If so, what is that emotion?
- How can you begin to move the emotion through you so that it doesn’t get stuck?
The Daily Happy Grounding Toolkit
The "Grounding Toolkit" is a great resource for several quick and easy grounding exercises that will help put you in a controlled, response mindset.
