We Are Hard-Wired to Avoid Change
Let's not sugar coat it, change is hard! To navigate change with peace of mind you have to tap into some deeper parts of you. But the beauty of it is that you get to learn a lot about yourself and your value system during the process of change.
Why does change feel so hard? We are hard-wired as humans to feel unsafe with change. In the past, for our ancestors, significant changes often meant risking essential resources and survival needs—shifts in weather, family dynamics, or living environments—all directly impacted safety and survival.
Today, while we may not face the same immediate dangers, it's only human to prefer the safety of familiar routines. Stepping into unfamiliar territory means leaving behind the certainty of the status quo, which can feel unsettling.
Fear: Productive vs. Unproductive
When we sense a threat to our perceived safety, the sympathetic nervous system gets activated. The sympathetic nervous system is also known as our fight or flight response. The way our brain responds to a given situation is driven by the presence of or absence of fear.
Fear is built into us for a reason, and it can be productive! Productive fear helps us to take action in dangerous situations, adapt to challenges, and motivates us to solve problems. It’s what stops us from walking into traffic, helps us look for jobs when our entire department starts getting laid off, and helps us recognize red flags in relationships. What’s common amongst all of these examples is that productive fear motivates us to take positive action.
Whereas unproductive fear can do the opposite - manifesting in real time as avoidance or panic.
What’s common amongst all of these unproductive fear behaviors is that we aren’t in control of our actions. Fear is controlling our reactions. And it takes a toll on us mentally and physically.
The fight or flight response is built into us to help us survive serious threats, but our brains don’t know the difference between life-threatening situations and modern day stresses.
Common stresses related to change—such as packing for a move or interviewing for a new job—can trigger our fight-or-flight response. When this response is activated too often, it can wear down and exhaust our bodies.
The fear that accompanies a life change often ignites our fight or flight response multiple times per day, whether we realize it or not.
Our Lizard Brains are Doing Their Best
Our response to fear can be processed in three different ways: lower, middle or upper brain processing.
The image below helps to illustrate these three parts of the brain and their roles in processing fear. It’s a simplified version for the purpose of this course, but it may help you absorb this information.
Let’s start from the bottom of the brain. The bottom of the brain, commonly called the “reptile brain” is responsible for survival. Think of it as having the abilities of a 6 month-old - it acts on instinct, survival and fear.
The middle of the brain, or our “mammal brain,” is responsible for our emotions, memory, pleasure seeking and pain avoidance. Think of this as having the abilities of a 6 year-old. We’re beyond the basic survival mode communications and can start to have autonomy and agency.
Finally, we’ll call the top of our brain the “rational brain,” which is responsible for logic, language, sensory perception and spatial reasoning. Think of this as having the abilities of an average adult.
Bringing Your Rational Brain Back Online
When we feel the effects of the lower two brains (the reptile and the mammal) turning on, we must do what we can to get our upper, rational brain back online. We must let the adult take the reins over from the 6-month-old or 6-year-old.
Try to take a pause, a few deep breaths, and ask yourself what is true about the situation (this can help bring perspective AND put you back in control). You can also try some grounding tools we’re going to introduce in the next module.
Please remember, that if you are going through a life change (or are anticipating a life change) it is normal to feel overwhelmed, directionless, intimidated, fearful and exhausted. Now that we know what is happening in the body, it’s no wonder you are feeling this way! But the good news is, if you are going through this, you are almost certainly learning and growing.
Listen to "Meditation for Change" that can ground you as you embark upon a life transition. Come back to this many times!