Relationship Values
Values are the principles and beliefs that guide an individual's behavior and decision-making. These can vary greatly from person to person and are often shaped by a combination of factors including upbringing, culture, personal experiences, and influences from society. They serve as a moral compass, influencing how individuals prioritize their actions, their relationships, and navigate the world around them.
Understanding that our personal values, work values, and relationship values may differ is crucial. For instance, while professionalism and punctuality could rank high among your work values, you might not expect your significant other to display these traits on a date. Conversely, in personal relationships, qualities like playfulness and spontaneity might be prized, but having a spontaneous boss or coworker might not be ideal.
Overall, while some differences in values can enrich a relationship by bringing diversity and new perspectives, feeling mostly aligned with your partner's values provides a strong foundation for a fulfilling and enduring partnership. The following worksheet will help you to gain a clearer picture of what you value in a relationship, helping you to seek out these qualities in a partner.
Exercise: Complete the attached tool to understand your relationship values.
Values vs. Preferences & How to Spot the Difference
Pursuing a partner with values that align with yours can ultimately be a great starting place for a long-lasting and healthy relationship. However, sometimes your preferences can mislead you into thinking you want something else. Here are some examples.
Case Studies
- You value quality time together, but an individual with a high-paying job might seem enticing. It turns out this high paying job is also very demanding and your partner is never home. So which do you value, the paycheck or a partner who also values time with you?
- You value loyalty and authenticity. You start dating someone with a reputable profile on social media and it is so exciting. If you start to realize that the person is not who they portray on social media, what do you do?
- You value honesty. Would you prefer a partner who always makes you feel comfortable, or one who is honest and occasionally and genuinely points out areas where you could improve?
Tip: If you’re unsure about what either you or your partner value, don’t follow words. Follow actions. For example, it’s quite common for people to say they value consistency, but their actions demonstrate that the only thing that they’re consistent with is inconsistency.
- How is this information going to guide your dating process?
- Have your preferences ever guided you away from your values?
