Each micro-story adds up to something larger, something resembling the narrative that shapes our current circumstances. But what if that's not exactly right? -- Lori Gottlieb, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
Narratives are powerful. They are made up of real-life experiences, inherited truths, long-held patterns, and the subtle (or sometimes not-so-subtle) dynamics we share with others. We are who we tell ourselves we are. Our narratives inform our personal history in a way that says, “This is what happened, this is where I came from, and this is why I am the way that I am.” These narratives are composed of hundreds of short stories that, if repeated enough, become our labels, our identity. They shape how we see ourselves and how we expect others to see us.
But if you’re feeling stuck or restless in a self that doesn’t quite feel like it fits, it might be because you’re caught in the fallacy of the story you’ve been telling yourself. Stories that were meant to protect us once can become the very thing that confines us now. The same old scripts—"I’m not enough," "I’m too much," "I’m a failure," "I’m the strong one"—start to feel like a worn-out costume you’ve outgrown, but you can’t seem to take it off. These narratives, though comforting in their familiarity, can also be a trap that keeps you from growing into a more authentic version of yourself.
Part of getting to know yourself is about gently unwinding these labels, to unknow yourself just enough to allow something new to emerge. This process can feel both liberating and disorienting. It means loosening your grip on the limiting stories you’ve crafted about who you are—those you created from your own experiences and those handed to you by family, friends, or society. It’s about noticing when you say, “I always do this,” or “I never get that right,” and asking yourself whether that’s a story that still serves you.
When you start letting go of the stories that no longer fit, you open up space to write new ones. Ones that are kinder, more honest, and rooted in the person you’re becoming rather than the person you’ve been. The real power of narratives is that they are not set in stone. You get to revise them, edit them, and, in some cases, start fresh. And in that process, you begin to uncover a clearer sense of your Essential Awareness.
Essential Awareness
Essential awareness is the part of you that exists at your core, untouched by the noise of the outside world. It’s your place of deep knowing—the part of you that holds the answers, even when it’s hard to hear them over the voices of family, friends, labels, and societal expectations. Your essential awareness is who you were born to be, before the world started assigning you roles and identities, before the inner critic took hold. It’s who you are at your most authentic, when you’ve let go of all the labels and just allowed yourself to be.
The attached worksheet will guide you through a process of closely and compassionately examining your labels: how they were assigned, who assigned them, and whether they are ones you want to keep—or begin the process of unlearning. This work will allow for you to connect with your Essential Awareness.
How to Work The Labels Exercise:
1. List Your Labels — Start by writing down the ways you would describe yourself. Don’t analyze or judge them yet—just get them out on paper. These can be labels from:
- Childhood (spoken or unspoken)
- Friends (even those that were never said out loud)
- Coworkers
- Labels you’ve assigned yourself, including what you think others think of you
- Any new labels that have come up recently
2. Identify the Origin —For each label, think about where it came from. Who gave you this label? Was it a parent, teacher, friend, coworker, or yourself?
3. Reflect on Alignment— Ask yourself: Does this label feel true to who I am? Does it align with how I see myself now? Do I feel authentic when I wear this label?
4. Decide What to Do with Each Label— Consider what you’d like to do with each label. Do you want to keep it, foster it, or release it? Will it require some unlearning or a shift in patterns?