Module 8: Application of Attachment Styles


What's covered:

  • How types interact.
  • ​Recognition and addressing attachment patterns in yourself.
  • What you can do about it.

“listen”



Types attract
Using the lens of attachment styles, it is easy to see how certain types of people can fall into predictable patterns.


Here is an example: 

Avoidant Alex might successfully resist Secure Sarah's attempts for increased intimacy, leading her to accept the rejection and move on. However, Anxious Anna will become more determined when faced with Alex's distancing. She will persistently pursue him until he eventually gives in and commits. This dynamic reassures Avoidant Alex that he can maintain his independence and avoidant tendencies, and Anxious Anna will continue to wait for him and chase his affections.

See how individuals with dysfunctionally complementary attachment styles usually fall into the chaser-chasee dance? If you have found yourself in a merry-go-round of a repeated relationship story, it could be that you are falling into an attachment style pattern unknowingly.


Steps to Address Your Attachment Style:

  • Recognize Attachment Styles: Understand how attachment styles manifest in yourself and others.
  • Identify Triggers: Become aware of what triggers your attachment responses.
  • Heal Your Wounds: Work on healing the wounds and triggers associated with your attachment style.
  • Seek Therapy: Consider working with a therapist for professional guidance.
  • Journal: Use journaling as a tool for self-reflection and healing.
  • Practice Presence: Cultivate presence, compassion, and forgiveness towards yourself and others.
  • Express Your Needs: Learn to comfortably express your needs in relationships.
  • Maintain Boundaries: Hold firm boundaries to protect your well-being.
  • Balance Accommodation: Decide how much to accommodate others' patterns, balancing between flexibility and maintaining your own needs. Remember: puzzle pieces adjust slightly, while playdough conforms completely.

Consider working on…

  1. Healing shame and boosting self-esteem
  2. Developing assertiveness
  3. Learning to identify, honor, and express your boundaries and emotional needs
  4. Being authentic and direct
  5. Practicing acceptance
  6. Minimizing automatic reactions by identifying your triggers and understanding their causes
  7. Learning self-soothing techniques and seeking resources on self-nurturing
  8. Approaching conflict resolution and compromise from a "we" perspective, focusing on mutual understanding and collaboration

Exercise: Listen to this Self Love Meditation


Description of image

  • Have you ever felt you were attracted to someone you knew was wrong for you? Why was it hard for you to resist nonetheless?
  • Do you think you've ever overlooked a great potential partner because she/he/they didn't put you through the ringer?

“TDH”