The Kegley’s Principle of Change: We can't think our way into acting differently, but we can act our way into thinking differently.
Positive emotions such as happiness, optimisim, or joy don't just happen—they are byproducts of what we think and do. Research in positive psychology supports this idea, showing that engaging in positive experiences fosters positive emotions over time (Fredrickson, 2001). However, when life feels heavy, it can be challenging to take action, especially if you're stuck in a rut. Still, the key is this: to cultivate positive emotions, you must first invest in positive behaviors.
Think of happiness as the fruit of your actions, with your thoughts and behaviors as the seeds. Even small, intentional steps—especially during difficult times—can lay the groundwork for brighter days ahead. Guided reflection that follows is designed to help you build positive experiences in your life, both immediately and in the long term.
Step 1: Identifying Barriers
Lack of interest and low energy can make it difficult to engage in positive experiences. But waiting until you feel motivated often means waiting indefinitely. Instead, taking action—despite these barriers—can help spark interest, energy, and enjoyment over time. This process is most effective when you immerse yourself in positive experiences without trying to control the outcome, allowing positive emotions to arise naturally.
It's normal to feel resistance, especially during challenging times. Let’s explore what might be standing in your way.
- What barriers make it hard for you to engage in positive experiences? (e.g., low energy, fear of disappointment, self-criticism, expectations, or not feeling worthy)
- How can you address these barriers with skills or strategies?
- How might things shift if you treated these barriers as distractions rather than permanent roadblocks?
Step 2: Positive Events in the Here and Now
Sometimes, positive experiences are already present—you just need to notice them. What small, uplifting moments exist in the here and now or the immediate future? It could be a conversation, sharing a joke, or offering a helping hand. Maybe it's taking a short walk, pausing for a mindful breath, or simply stepping outside. The warmth of the sun, the fresh scent of rain, or the feeling of a gentle breeze can all be positive experiences if you take a moment to appreciate them. Opportunities for positivity often arise naturally, requiring no effort—only your attention. By shifting your focus and fully engaging in these moments, you open yourself to more joy in everyday life.
- What small, positive events could you engage in right now or today?
- How will you bring mindfulness to these events? (e.g., focusing on the sensations, emotions, or thoughts that arise in the moment)
Step 3: Positive Events Planned in the Short Term
Planning and looking forward to positive experiences can create a sense of hope and excitement. These positive events can include a regular family meal, an outing alone or with a friend, a Friday movie night, or anything you can plan and schedule over the short term. Start by listing the interests, hobbies, and activities you like to do (or used to do) and add activities to try. If you have a short list, you may have to develop some additional interests through trying out a lot of new activities with an open mind. Plan time for these positive events in your schedule and follow through with them. Short-term positive events need to be regular occurrences and planned daily to be effective. Having regular positive events to look forward to moves you toward a satisfying life. It may take weeks to experience the benefits. Do not give up on the process or enter into judgments about not getting the desired outcomes right away.
- What activities or events can you plan for the next week or two?
- If your energy or interest feels low, what steps will you take to follow through anyway?
Step 4: Planning, Scheduling, and Routine
A plan gives structure to your intention. You may not know what to do to build a positive experience or how to plan these experiences. As stated earlier, first, you should identify possible positive experiences and schedule them, or they are less likely to happen. Building a positive experience requires mindfulness. When you are in the experience, stay focused on the event and not when it will end, how your expectations might change, or anything else that could take away from the experience. In other words, don’t take away from all the work you have already done by just getting there.
- What positive experiences can you schedule into your routine this week?
- How will you use mindfulness to stay present during these experiences?
Step 5: Building a Satisfying Life
Long-term goals and priorities are the foundation of a deeply fulfilling life, even if progress happens gradually. Research in goal-setting theory suggests that setting clear, meaningful goals enhances motivation and well-being by providing a sense of purpose and direction (Locke & Latham, 2002). To create a satisfying life, start by identifying what truly matters to you.
- If life were exactly how you wanted it to be six months from now, what would that look and feel like?
- Based on this reflection, make a list of your long-term priorities and goals.
- Choose one goal from your list and break it down into manageable steps. Plan and schedule time to work on the first step, and commit to following through. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and then plan your next step.
- How will your life look and feel different as you build positive experiences into your days, weeks, and months?
- What small changes have you already noticed (or could imagine noticing) from focusing on positive experiences?
Success isn’t about giant leaps—it’s about consistent, intentional effort. As the saying goes, a thousand-mile journey begins with a single step.
