What's covered:
- Use this tool to understand who your type is.
- Learn how dating outside of your type could be a key to your success.
- Why doing it yourself might be the better option.
Who is your type?
The aim of this tool is to get you thinking outside the box so that you become much more aware of your patterns (good and bad) and hopefully more open to possibilities. You may find something that attracts you—a certain hair color, job, physique, or hobby—and, without meaning to, you find yourself drawn to it again and again. But if your type is too specific, you may be setting yourself up to go through the same relationship issues repeatedly.
Examples: That "mysterious" type you like may just be emotionally unavailable. Maybe you pursue partners with high-powered jobs but constantly get annoyed at the number of hours they work.
Do it yourself
Sometimes we go for a type because it fulfills a need. Are you drawn to a muscular guy because you want to feel feminine? Are you drawn to an airhead type because you want to feel smart? My guess is your patterns are not that simple or obvious. But I hope this discussion triggers something. Your match cannot compensate for you feeling feminine until you can feel feminine on your own. Similarly, your match cannot compensate for you feeling smart until you realize your own level of intelligence. You need to date as a whole person. Your type is often a compensation for not being a whole person and may stem from unhealthy places within you.
Question: Does your type reflect a compensation for a part of you?
Tip: Working with a therapist to address feelings of insufficiency could be the key to unlocking long-term changes in patterns and, ultimately, your success in dating.
If you pigeonhole yourself into one type of person, you are seriously decreasing your dating pool. Think about how you would like to challenge yourself to step outside of your type. Challenges to your type are not a bad thing!
Exercise: Complete the attached worksheet.
- Did this worksheet encourage you to think about what could be possible?
- If qualities of your type are filling voids in your life, what can you do to find fulfillment in those areas?
- Was there anything that you were willing to let go of?
- Do you recognize any patterns from past relationships?
