Module 9: Your Relationship Values

What's covered:

Learn what relationship values are and discover yours.
Values vs. preferences- How to spot the difference.

Relationship values

Values are the principles and beliefs that guide an individual's behavior and decision-making. These can vary greatly from person to person and are often shaped by a combination of factors including upbringing, culture, personal experiences, and influences from society. They serve as a moral compass, influencing how individuals prioritize their actions, their relationships, and navigate the world around them.

Understanding that our personal values, work values, and relationship values may differ is crucial. For instance, while professionalism and punctuality might rank high among your work values, you might not expect your significant other to display these traits on a date. Conversely, in personal relationships, qualities like playfulness and spontaneity might be prized, but having a spontaneous boss or coworker might not be ideal.

Overall, while some differences in values can enrich a relationship by bringing diversity and new perspectives, feeling mostly aligned with your partner's values provides a strong foundation for a fulfilling and enduring partnership. The following worksheet will help you gain a clearer picture of what you value in a relationship, helping you seek out these qualities in a partner.

Exercise: Complete the attached tool to understand your relationship values.

Values vs. preferences and how to spot the difference

Pursuing a partner with values that align with yours can ultimately be a great starting point for a long-lasting and healthy relationship. However, sometimes your preferences can mislead you into thinking you want something else. Here are some examples:

Case Study: You value quality time together, but an individual with a high-paying job might seem enticing. You find out that this high-paying job is also very demanding, and your partner is never home. So which do you value more: the paycheck or a partner who also values time with you?

Case Study: You value loyalty and authenticity. You start dating someone with a reputable profile on social media, and it is very exciting. If you start to realize that the person is not who they portray on social media, what do you do?

Case Study: You value honesty. Would you prefer a partner who always makes you feel comfortable or one who is honest and occasionally and genuinely points out areas where you could improve?

Tip: If you’re unsure about what either you or your partner values, don’t follow words. Follow actions. For example, it’s quite common for people to say they value consistency, but their actions demonstrate that the only thing they’re consistent with is inconsistency.

How is this information going to guide your dating process?
Have your preferences ever guided you away from your values?