A Gentle Note to Begin...
The holidays can be especially hard when you’re grieving. You might feel a mix of emotions: sadness, anger, confusion, or even a sense of numbness. Maybe you wonder why others don’t understand how you are feeling or what you are going through. Maybe you wish that you could be more authentic in your grief during this time. Possibly, you find yourself pretending to be “okay” to avoid questions, pity or judgment. If that sounds familiar, I want you to know this: your grief is not something you need to hide, fix, or rush through.
This worksheet is here to help you gently explore what you’re feeling, offer yourself kindness, and navigate this season in a way that feels right for you. You deserve a safe, understanding place to process your experience—and that place can start with you.
Part 1: Checking In With Yourself
Take a deep breath. Let’s start by noticing where you are today, emotionally and physically.
- What feelings are showing up for you right now? There’s no wrong answer. Just let them flow.
- Where do you notice these emotions in your body? Sometimes grief shows up physically. Is there tension, heaviness, or discomfort anywhere?
- If it feels okay, place your hand on that part of your body and breathe into it. Let yourself feel held.
Part 2: Navigating Expectations
The holidays can feel like a minefield of unspoken expectations—your own and those of others. Let’s take a closer look at these.
- What do you think others expect from you this season? (e.g., “I should be cheerful,” “I need to host like I always do.”)
- What expectations are you placing on yourself? (e.g., “I should keep it together,” “I can’t let others see me cry.”)
Pause and reflect: Are these expectations fair to you? Are they kind? What might shift if you gave yourself permission to let them go?
Part 3: Facing Memories and Reminders
The holidays are often full of reminders of what, or who, is missing. These memories can feel bittersweet—both a comfort and a sting.
- What moments, traditions, or objects bring up the strongest memories of your loved one?
- How might you honor these memories in a way that feels gentle for you? (e.g., lighting a candle, sharing a favorite story, or simply sitting with the memory.)
Part 4: Acknowledging Loneliness and Vulnerability
Grief can make you feel so alone, especially when others seem to move through the holidays without the weight you’re carrying.
- When do you feel the most isolated or misunderstood during this time?
- What small steps can you take to care for yourself in those moments? (e.g., reaching out to someone you trust, allowing yourself a quiet moment to cry, or journaling.)
Here are some sample scripts to help you acknowledge and express what you are going through to others:
- “Thank you for giving me space to grieve while still including me. It means a lot to feel supported and not pressured.”
- “I know I’ve been quieter or less involved this season, but your kindness hasn’t gone unnoticed. I’m grateful for you.”
- “The holidays are really emotional for me this year, and I’m navigating some tough feelings. If I seem quiet or distant, please know it’s not about you—it’s just part of what I’m going through.”
- “I wanted to let you know that I might need to step away from events if I start to feel overwhelmed. It’s nothing personal, just a way for me to take care of myself right now.”
- “I just want to share that the holidays are especially hard for me this year. I’m grieving, and it’s bringing up a lot of emotions. I might not always have the energy to join in the way I normally would, but I appreciate your understanding.”
If reaching out feels hard, that’s okay. Just knowing your feelings are valid is a form of connection with yourself.
Part 5: Choosing What Feels Right
The holidays don’t have to look the way they always have. You get to decide what feels doable and meaningful.
- What traditions or gatherings feel worth holding onto this year
- What are some boundaries you could set to protect your heart and energy? (e.g., saying no to certain events, leaving when you need to, or asking for help.)
Think of boundaries as acts of self-respect. They’re not about shutting others out but about taking care of your emotional well-being.
Part 6: Offering Yourself Compassion
Grief can be tender and raw, but you can be a kind and safe place for yourself through it all.
- What would it look like to offer yourself grace during the holidays? (e.g., allowing yourself to rest, being okay with tears, or letting go of perfectionism.)
- Write a compassionate note to yourself: "Dear me, I know this is hard. Here’s what I want you to remember..."