Module 3: The Gift in Loving Yourself


What's covered:

  • Become a more confident, unfazed, an open dater by loving yourself first.
  • 11 practical ways to show self love.
  • The patterns that arise when you don't love yourself.



Love yourself

In order to become a more confident, unfazed, and open dater, it starts with knowing who you are and growing love and compassion for that person. If you don’t love yourself, it is going to be pretty difficult to (1) let someone love you or (2) avoid what feels like love but is actually control, manipulation, or jealousy.

  1. Practice Self-Care - Make time for activities that rejuvenate you. This can look like getting enough sleep, engaging in purposeful movement that you enjoy, and nourishing yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally.

  2. Set Healthy Boundaries - Learn to say no when needed and protect your time and energy from being overextended by others' demands.

  3. Positive Self-Talk - Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Speak to yourself with kindness and encouragement, just as you would to a friend. Positive self-talk will be covered in later modules because it is an essential skill when dating.

  4. Pursue Your Passions - Engage in hobbies and activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it's painting, hiking, reading, or cooking. More on how to do this in later modules.

  5. Consider Therapy - Working with a therapist can help you learn about yourself on a deeper level, improving your relationship with yourself. Therapists can also help with skills like communication, recognizing unhelpful patterns, and building your confidence.

  6. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences - Spend time with people who uplift and support you. Limit interactions with those who drain your energy or bring negativity into your life. People absorb the energies of their environment, so ask yourself what you are bringing into your life on a regular basis.

  7. Forgive Yourself - Let go of past mistakes and forgive yourself for any shortcomings. Understand that everyone makes mistakes and that they are opportunities for growth. This will be a very necessary skill as you approach the dating scene.

  8. Celebrate Your Achievements - Take time to acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. This can be as quick as smiling to yourself or as grand as taking yourself out to dinner. Celebrating yourself is a practice far underutilized despite the fact that it reinforces a positive self-image.

  9. Invest in Personal Growth - Engage in activities that help you grow. This might look like reading a book, taking a course, or trying something new. Continuous learning fosters self-improvement and self-confidence. (Good news: you’re already doing that if you are here!)

  10. Practice Mindfulness - Spend time in the present moment through mindfulness practices like meditation, yoga, or simply being aware of your surroundings. Some of the skills taught in later modules require approaching the present moment with openness and curiosity.

  11. Express Yourself Creatively - Engage in creative activities like drawing, writing, dancing, cooking, singing in the shower or car, creating playlists, or playing an instrument. Creativity can be a powerful outlet for emotions and self-expression and is one of the best ways to care for yourself. The flow state found during creative acts can help you access contentment.


What happens when you deprioritize yourself

At the start of this journey, it's essential to reconnect with who you are. Over the next few weeks, I actually encourage you to make this a primary focus. I understand that the phrase "loving yourself" is often overused and might even elicit an eye roll. However, understanding and appreciating yourself is crucial, as failing to do so can lead to common dating no-no’s, such as:

  • Self-abandonment: When you reject, make smaller, or ignore part of yourself in real-time. Example: You gradually stop hanging out with your friends because your significant other “doesn’t like them.” This repeated decision-making that ignores, represses, or condemns your personal needs creates an environment where it is easier to forget or lose the ability to identify your own needs.

  • Creating a false self: Trying to be someone else or having false interests for another person. Example: There is a difference between watching a football game with a partner and becoming a fantasy football expert overnight. One is a show of healthy interest, the other might be the creation of a false self to be accepted by a partner.

  • Having the other person be ‘your everything’: Previously, you might identify a few things you liked about a partner. They’d serve a certain role in your life, and you’d find friends and a community to fill in other roles, like watching a certain TV series or going to work out with a friend. But with the dawn of social media, there’s an underlying (and misleading) projection that our partner should perform grand acts of love, be a certain way, or fulfill all our wishes we never knew we had. If your person is your everything, what does the backside of that statement mean?




  • Can you think of an example of someone in your community who can fulfill roles or needs in your life that you might have previously relied too much on a partner for?
  • What practical self love idea are you willing to try this week?
  • What is one thing that you love about yourself?