Where are you looking for love?
Because we are human, most of us feel or have felt hesitant about dating at one point or another. It can be really hard to put yourself in situations where you don’t know what the outcome will be, whether that is in person or virtually. But going back to the point that your dream person is not going to waltz through the door, let’s start thinking about how you want to begin putting yourself out there.
How are you expanding your reach?
The simplest action can increase your chances of meeting someone. By getting out of your comfort zone and taking chances you normally wouldn't, you can open yourself up to new people and greater possibilities. Here are some strategies to expand your opportunities for meeting people:
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Don’t be afraid to fail: Something you try might be a complete and utter failure. You may join a group, a team, participate in a meetup, try a class, or go to a restaurant or a bar by yourself. Maybe you take yourself out to a show or attend an event—whatever you try, don’t give up after the first time if nothing pans out! It will get easier every time you go. Not every date will go perfectly, and some may end in disappointment. Bounce back from rejection or setbacks by reminding yourself that one negative experience does not define your worth or future prospects.
Example: You try walking up and introducing yourself to someone at an event, and the person is dismissive, making you feel silly. This is not a "failure." You had the opportunity to practice being approachable, brave, and vulnerable. You also learned that you didn’t die after the rejection. All of this will ultimately make you more confident if you choose to view opportunities this way.
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Remain open and friendly: Openness to the dating process means being receptive to unexpected connections and opportunities. Sometimes, the most meaningful relationships come from the least expected places or circumstances. When you approach dating with an open mindset, you place less pressure on each individual date or interaction. Ultimately, you don't have a crystal ball, so why not allow yourself to be more present and genuine with your interactions? I promise this will make for a more enjoyable dating journey.
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Practice kind self-talk: Positive self-talk helps reinforce a healthy sense of self-worth and confidence. When you believe in your own value, you are more likely to attract partners who respect and appreciate you.
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Approachability matters: Whether you like it or not, how approachable you look makes a difference. An approachable demeanor makes it easier for others to initiate conversation and approach you. If you seem closed off or unwelcoming, potential partners might hesitate. We all have subconscious defense mechanisms at work all the time. Therefore, when you look approachable, it encourages more genuine and relaxed interactions. People are more likely to be themselves around you, leading to more authentic connections.
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Every date is a possibility: Every date is a potential new acquaintance or friend. At worst, being open to the dating process provides numerous opportunities to practice and improve your social and communication skills. This not only benefits your dating life but also enhances your interactions in other areas of life.
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Dating is not a to-do list item: If you are going on dates just to check the box that you are “dating,” get curious about your overall outlook on dating. Maybe it’s time to take a time-out or perhaps you need a perspective shift. Tip: I always enjoyed looking at dates as opportunities to see something new in the city, try a new restaurant or activity, or be excited about the possibility of meeting new people (even if those people ultimately became my friends).
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Just do it: Going to events and going on dates (even bad ones) gives you information! You don’t know if you like it or not if you don’t give yourself the opportunity to try.
Exercise: Hop online and start looking at event calendars for your city. You can also start by searching for activities that interest you in your area. For each month, map out what sounds interesting and what you want to attend based on:
- Interest level
- Probability of interaction/meeting people
The only way to get better at dating is to go on dates.
Step 1: Prep — How (realistically) do you want to get out there? Is it dating apps? Joining an intramural sports team, signing up for a class, or even going out with friends more?
Step 2: Set a Goal — I suggest setting a goal for three weeks from now. That’s enough time to plan out your approach and not lose momentum.
Step 3: Tell Others — Let two or three of your closest friends or family members know that you’re serious about dating and share your goal with them. Support can help you keep your promises to yourself.
Step 4: Start Small — Set a goal for one activity every three weeks or one date within a certain timeframe. Start with something that feels doable, manageable, and authentic to you.
Take the next 5 minutes and write down some initial thoughts on what you would like to try when it comes to your dating life.
Exercise: Take the next 5 minutes and write down some initial thoughts on what you would like to try when it comes to your dating life.